Peace

     We have been going through a lot the past few days.  The doctors have been on the negative side and have talked to us a few times about how we need to be "prepared" because they think he's headed down the wrong path.  I have cried next to his incubator almost non-stop Sunday - Wednesday.  Craig and I were in such turmoil and pain. 
     I finally realized that I have to be at peace with whatever God's will is for Riley.  I want more than anything for God to heal Riley and continue to pray for this.  I want to take him home, watch him take his first step, hear his first word, and so much more.  In order for me to survive this and not go absolutely crazy, I have to give this totally up to God.  I have to know that no matter what happens, God is in control.   Craig also realized this last night.  This is by no means an easy place to go mentally and emotionally, but it is necessary.  I read in 1 Peter the other day something that has helped me a lot, ³ May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! On account of his vast mercy, he has given us new birth. You have been born anew into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. ⁴ You have a pure and enduring inheritance that cannot perish—an inheritance that is presently kept safe in heaven for you. ⁵ Through his faithfulness, you are guarded by God’s power so that you can receive the salvation he is ready to reveal in the last time.  ⁶ You now rejoice in this hope, even if it’s necessary for you to be distressed for a short time by various trials. ⁷ This is necessary so that your faith may be found genuine. (Your faith is more valuable than gold, which will be destroyed even though it is itself tested by fire.) Your genuine faith will result in praise, glory, and honor for you when Jesus Christ is revealed. (1 Peter 1:3-7, CEB)  To me, this means that through every trial that we face here on earth, if we are truly saved, then we should be at peace knowing that we will spend eternity in heaven.  In heaven, there will be no pain, no death, no turmoil.  I am going through the most painful time in my life, yet I can still find peace and joy in knowing that I will be with God one day.      
     Since Craig and I have "let go and let God", today we feel much better.  Riley had a good day actually and we are rejoicing and praising God for that!  I have also realized that I am focusing too much on the numbers, meaning his vital signs, blood gas numbers, etc.  I have just tried to focus on the fact that Riley is alive, moving, and making noises.  It's VERY hard not to stare at his vitals monitor and look at the other numbers that surround Riley constantly.  I now turn the screen away when I'm sitting next to him so I don't look at the numbers.  That being said, I'm not going to write every detail about his progress right now.  Just know that he had a good day, his numbers were better and his urine was really good. 
     We are by no means giving up, we still have faith that God will heal Riley and answer all of our prayers.  He is answering our prayers!  On Wednesday, Riley had been really still most of the day, I prayed that night that he would move and he did almost immediately.  Riley also was not urinating that well and Craig prayed for Riley's kidneys to open up and they did.  We knew this because we could see more blue on his diaper, pampers now show there is urine in the diaper when the yellow line changes to blue.  Where there once was a small blue dot before Craig prayed, there was now a line.  We praise God for answering those and other prayers so quickly.
     My prayer now is that God's will be done.  God knows the desires of my heart, he knows that I want my baby to be healed.  I have faith that Riley's healing is God's will, Riley is such a precious little baby who has so much to live for and experience. 

Your prayers are greatly appreciated and we thank you!