I have been calling on God today to give Craig, Riley and myself strength. Some days are more difficult than others and today was a hard day for me. Not because anything terrible happened but because he his still so swollen. Everyday I walk into the NICU hoping I'll see some sign of the swelling going down, maybe that day will come tomorrow. I've been trying to figure out a way to describe what he looks like. The best way I can describe him is he looks like a Thanksgiving day parade balloon, all puffed up and shiny. His body looks like it has been stretched to the max and filled with fluid. It is heartbreaking to see him this way. I just wish I could pick him up, hold him in my arms, and kiss him till he feels better. He's such a precious little baby.
The day doctor tried to lower his oscillator settings some more today, but Riley did not respond well to the changes so that was a no go. His blood pressure also dropped again which decreased his urine output. They gave him some fluids to help increase his blood pressure which it did, it was in the high 30s, low 40s when we left him tonight. Hopefully, his urine output will increase overnight as well.
This is such a vicious cycle that is very stressful and draining. I just have to remember that God is in control and there will be a silver lining after the storm passes. I've had other difficult times in my life before where I've felt defeated, devastated, and thought the pain would never go away. God helped me through that tough time as well and when the clouds parted, Craig was there. He has been such a gift and blessing, I can only imagine what great blessings God has in store for us after this hurricane. This is definitely the most difficult time in my life. I am so lucky to have Craig as my partner, he knows exactly how to comfort me or exactly the right words to say to make me feel better. Riley is very lucky to have such a wonderful father.
I am also blessed with some wonderful friends and family. I text some of my friends today just letting them know how I'm feeling and they all text back with great words of encouragement and advice. My friend, Natalie, sent a scripture. "You are the God who works wonders; you have demonstrated your strength among all peoples." (Psalms 77:14, CEB) I repeated this to myself many times and this helped me because I know God will work wonders in Riley and he will be a testimony to God's infinite strength and love.
Please pray for Riley's extra fluid to leave his body and for his body to function properly. He is our sweet baby boy and we love him dearly.
Kelley, I just want you to know that Riley is lucky to have you too! You and Craig have been amazing through this process and trust me we all recognize your strength! I understand the pain and confusion that come with terrible situations! I also understand that the only way to deal with it that works is to complete turn it over to God and not even try to figure it out on your own. You and Craig both have done this so well and I am so proud that Riley has parents like you both! He is one blessed little boy! I know that he will be as big of a blessing to you guys as you have been to him! You have been a great example of God's love here on earth! Thank you for sharing on your blog and letting us in through this process! I love you!
ReplyDeleteJohn 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.